I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
