She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
