a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
