In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
