Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i have two assholes
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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