Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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