I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
