if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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