is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at about main and main street
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
