shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i will never coherently bang her
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
