NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
