I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize