I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
