I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
