i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
