the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I looked at my own cervix.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
