Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Barsexuality is the new black.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
