so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize