So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she smelled like a LAN party
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
