Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
