I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
