Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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