On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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