Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
