I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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