i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
