I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize