It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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