Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
