I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
