I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
