My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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