Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
