Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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