I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
