Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize