no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
