If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
