We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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