and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize