I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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