see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
