bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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