Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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