rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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