YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
