Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
