I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
