If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
