If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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