It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
