Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
