Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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