We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
