I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
