I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
