Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
