If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
