so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
