Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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