Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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