Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
