All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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